by Caroline Oceana Ryan
The latest guidance from the Ascended Masters, Galactics, Earth Elementals, Faery Elders, Angels, and Archangels known as the Collective . . .
Today’s message is an excerpt from the Collective’s new book, Earth Life Challenges: The Collective Speak on Dealing with Trauma and Life Changes.
Go here for more information on the book and the preorder giveaway, plus another excerpt.
Each chapter of the book begins with a question from a Lightworker who is dealing with a difficult life issue — sometimes, a traumatic one.
The Collective’s answers address each issue with empowering guidance that also connects us to our life purpose, helping us view the events of our lives from a much higher perspective.
From Chapter 3 – “On Being Shut Out By a Loved One”
QUESTION: What is the nature of the blockages and the no-contact policy between my daughter and me, and what can I do about it? Or do I just have to live with it?
Although I have asked for her forgiveness many times, that I left her father and loved another man and married him, taking her and her brother with me, she doesn’t want to accept it, and doesn’t want to be in contact with me.
I don’t even know exactly what she accuses me of. She said it was “wounds from the past.”
She went through an emotional burnout and postnatal depression, and has done therapy and trauma therapy. But that hasn’t led to “normal” contact with me, so far.
I’ve done countless Ho’oponopono prayers, and solved everything on my side, holding her in love and blessing her and her family.
Is this just something I have to accept and live with?
THE COLLECTIVE: This is an excellent area to discuss, as so many are experiencing family and friend estrangement now.
Understand that children do not always see their parents as individual adults with interests, needs, and personal expressions of their own. And of course, parents often have trouble seeing their child as an individual adult, even when their son or daughter is well over the age of thirty.
Your daughter did not see you as a woman seeking to be honest about her feelings, her life path, and her strong preference to be with the man she loved, instead of the man she no longer loved.
Though this was an honest and brave move for you, your daughter, in her youth and inexperience, saw you only as one of the two pillars holding up her sense of reality, her inner and outer life, and her understanding of how life ought to go—even her understanding of how the Universe works.
Then one of those pillars moved out of place, disturbing and upending her world, and her sense of sameness and safety.
And so, she reasoned that if her mother could change, and change her children’s lives as well as her own life—anything in life could change. Anyone could present themselves as someone unchanging and utterly reliable in the way that children need and expect, then suddenly break that unwritten, deeply held law, and do as they needed to do for themselves, and expect others to adjust.
Now, we do not say this to judge you in any way, for you were merely following your life path. And interestingly, your daughter has been doing the same—following her life path.
Before incarnating, you agreed to experience this very situation together, and to deal with the resulting rift between you in ways that would bring each of you into greater understanding of certain forms of heart-based experience and soul growth.
You have also had past lives with your daughter, in which you were the one to release or never fully connect with her, rather than the other way around.
And so this is an opportunity to learn what you could not learn in those other lives. It is not a cold form of universal karma—the Universe is not an unfeeling machine that spits out calculations and life results according to what one “deserves” in a punishing sense.
It is the completion of a cycle.
There are other forms of energetic interference that your daughter is experiencing, and this accounts for much of the depression and shock that have remained in her energies. So much of what she is carrying is not yours to take from her.
She must come through her own growth processes, both for healing that which is in part inherited from the women in your family, in part a result of what she has experienced in this and other lifetimes, and in part what she came in to experience in this life.
If you have been saying Ho’oponopono prayer (“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”) for both yourself and her, and blessing her and her family with Love, you have done what you need to do, in addition to asking for her forgiveness, which she may not be able to give you at this time.
We would simply release her and allow her to Be—to choose the life she prefers, while you go on with your own life.
You made a brave departure from a life you could no longer stay in, taking your children with you, though they realized in that moment that they had little power in deciding how their lives would go.
In leaving their father and moving out with you, they were not following their own preferences, but receiving an outer decision they had no influence on.
And now you have handed your daughter nearly all the power in the relationship, as if that would make up for your decision to exercise all the power in her life when she was a child.
This puts her in the position of being able to say “No” to you in a way she could never have said as a child, except energetically. There are many things that can make a daughter feel unsafe, insecure, or unheard in a new home situation.
Having lost what she felt were her Choices—her voice, and her vote for how her life would go—she now takes whatever power she has to make sure you understand how much she suffered.
Her comment that she has cut away from you due to “wounds from the past” is naturally vague, because it wasn’t any one thing you said or did that created this rift, from her perspective.
It was the overall action of changing her life and her safety—shaking up her sense that all would stay quietly in place as needed, until she was old enough to move away from her home and her father in her own time and way.
The removal of a child from his or her father creates its own insecurities, even when that move is necessary, whatever the reasons. The situation can indeed feel traumatic and unyielding.
It is a removal of the moorings that had previously kept the child from feeling alone, unguarded, and unsafe in the world. A new stepfather does not necessarily bring the same assurances, and can be a source of anxiety.
This is what she blames you for, more than anything. Not for choosing what made you happy over what did not make you happy, for that choice has empowered her to choose much that she has preferred in life, over that which she has not wanted.
The blame is for removing the steady unmoving floor underneath her and replacing it with the moving deck of a ship that was headed somewhere unknown.
In time, she will come to accept that move as something she not only planned in her life chart, but as a moment that shifted her energies dramatically from one form of life to another. And that new path was not crafted for mere security and comfort.
She understands what it is to feel shifted in dramatic ways that go to the core of the heart-mind and personality. She is capable of helping others who have also experienced this sort of shift.
When she is ready, she could work with others through effective energy work, though she would need to first come to the place in life where she realized her abilities and her life path, and she is not quite there yet.
In the meantime, your guides have been asking you to not obsess over this situation or to try to remedy it, but to release your daughter and her family completely, in body, mind, and spirit.
She will never feel it is safe to reach out to you while you are trying to draw something from her—some reassurance that you did the right thing for her and her brother, as well as yourself, or some return to the relationship you once had.
That cannot be, for too much has changed. You would need to begin again, not as her mother this time, but as her objective friend who is willing to hear what she says, not in ways that you feel reflect upon you or your actions, but only in the objective sense of just Listening and Being There for her.
As she is an adult with a child of her own, and has released you from your mother role, you must, if you expect to be fully in touch with her again, also release yourself from the mother role. Release her from your energies, your expectations, your preferences.
You are in essence asking yourself for forgiveness for having shifted your children’s lives in such a complete way—even more than you are asking for your daughter’s forgiveness. Her cutting you out of her life is simply a metaphor for your own guilt and unhappiness.
You are trying to solve that by feeling that if she could just forgive you and let you back into her life, all would be resolved. And yet, it would not be.
She can never give you enough Love and reassurance to lead you to where you will finally Love and accept yourself.
That is your path to walk, and no one else’s . . .
Go here for more information on the book, the preorder giveaway, and another excerpt.
Copyright 2018, Caroline Oceana Ryan
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